Tuesday, November 20, 2007

email excerpt

this is an excerpt of an email i wrote to a girlfriend of mine recently. (i hope you don't mind, elizabeth, that i'm sharing it with the world... if you'd rather i take it off of here, just let me know!) it's a really good description of where we're at emotionally and mentally as we wait for the baby's arrival:

yes, 31 weeks. only 7 or 8 or 9 to go. at most, only 11 more weeks to go. (drs rarely let a pregnancy go more than 42 weeks...) it's almost time. mostly i feel like it's gone fast, but there are lots of times when i'm so excited i can barely wait to meet spruitje. (especially after that funny funny dream of his adorable gassy little scrunched up dumpling face!) but i know that the longer she/he is in there, the better off she/he will be. so i can wait. there will be lots of time to get to know sprouty after she is born, so i will be patient. and besides, this time that adam and i have right now, of preparing for this wee one, to transform ourselves from a couple to a family... that is very very special. we will never have this time again, in our quiet, dark, cozy, dutch home, feeling the kicks and the squirms and the hiccups, learning about the changes baby is going through this week, seeing the changes in my body, snuggling on the couch and reading to sprouty together... it's all very precious and tender and sweet, and i know it is only a matter of time before all of that changes forever. no more will we be the carefree, globe-trotting, 20-something couple -- we will be the settled 30-somethings with a family who can't take that road trip or stay out too late cuz the kids have school or hockey practice or the flu. i'm so grateful that we've had 10 YEARS to get to know each other, to pursue our own interests, to go to school a couple of times, to start businesses and backpack around the world and take off for fabulous weekends in cape cod and san francisco and vail and moab and move to europe and and and... but now, we are both ready to be settled, to be a family unit, to focus our attention on the future instead of on the "now". so yes, we are terribly excited and feel really anxious to meet the baby, but we both also know that soon enough this era will be over and a new one will begin, and we will wonder to ourselves why we didn't embrace this time more, why we didn't enjoy the quiet evenings by the fire and the exciting weekends in france, germany, switzerland, etc...

so -- yes, it feels like it's taking forever, because we want to meet spruitje so much. and yes, it feels like it's just flying by because we really enjoy this time together and are, admittedly, a little sad to see it pass forever into the rearview mirror of history. but mostly, we're just living in the moment, enjoying every little kick and bump and backache and craving. it's such a special time.


teresa said...

oh, this is beautiful! a mystical moment for you.

Queen E said...

I'm so glad you posted the letter here. When I read it this morning at work, I didn't want anyone else to talk to me (which is difficult as the receptionist) because I was reading this beautiful, poignant letter from you.

I could really feel the complexity and the beauty of your experiences--enjoying your time with Adam, and together anticipating this baby. I want to simplify that feeling as "bittersweet" but that doesn't feel right at all. I think just "sweet" fits better (as little as I like that word!). The sweetness of life, with your excellent, loving partner and getting to experience this transition with him, together...I could really sense that from this email and I'm glad you shared.

Happy Thanksgiving, lovies! I hope we can spend this holiday together one day. I miss you.